made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
