Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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