Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
