My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
