my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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