I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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