I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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