She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
