my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
