your room smells of hookers.
And success
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
