She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
