I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
