Im at strip club and am horny
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
