you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
