just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
