There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
