Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
