just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
