On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
