and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
