i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize