Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
