I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
