Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
