one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
whose parrot is this?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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