Already got asked if we're dating
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
