I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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