She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
