dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize