You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
