Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize