JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize