You were right. It hurts to walk today.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
