We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
