so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The air taste purple.
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