Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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