how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
