i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
