I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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