The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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