Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
