so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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