You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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