I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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