What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Terrible idea I love it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
