"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
third nipple confirmed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
