my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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