If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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