seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
