My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
