Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
