This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
