i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
