I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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