You can't special order awesome
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
