He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
