Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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