she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
