i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize