I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
