it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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