Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
