I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
