So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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