The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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