so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
