Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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