Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
