You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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