Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
