After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
