i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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